WHERE DO I BEGIN?
Dear Alex Chilton and The Box Tops:
I seriously love you guys. I mean you guys rule. You’re a classic band. But I thought you might be able to use a few polite suggestions on purchasing a plane ticket.
1. Demanding a plane ticket can be off putting. “Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane,” sounds a bit rude! May I suggest you say something like, “hello ma’am or sir, I’d like to buy a ticket to ___, please.”
2. To whom are you explaining all of this? The ticket agent? FYI the ticket agent definitely doesn’t care why you’re buying a plane ticket. The ticket agent just wants your money, not your explanations.
3. If you had time to wait around for a letter to arrive in the mail, why don’t you have the time to take a fast train? Is there a fast train, like the acela, or TGV, that goes to your destination? I say, take the train, because right now you seem a tiny bit over eager.
4. I’m not sure about this girl, I mean if she “couldn’t live without you no mo’ ” why can’t she call you on the phone and tell you that? I’m suspicious of foul play here. I mean, do you have any enemies?
5. Lastly, “I don’t care how much money I gotta spend” sounds a little bit braggy. I mean, if you REALLY don’t care, then get a chopper, and be done with it, but don’t go waving proverbial wads of cash in front of everyone like you own the place, and expect that no one will take advantage of you.
I hope you have enjoyed my POLITE SUGGESTIONS.
Sincerely
Zooey d
